Mucha

Uneven

It's an everlasting feeling that always comes to the surface on weekends like this. Usually when I am around people of my own age. It takes a day or so to emerge. No clue where it comes from, don't know the reason, the origin.

It's not the past. I didn't got bullied, pushed away. I had friends, enough of them. A loving family. There is no one to blame, really, and no need to blame anyway.

It's the gap between yourself and the others. This gap I can't define, but it has been there all the time. Not that I have any problems with talking to people, liking them, being liked, socializing in general. It is the feeling of not being part of them, of their group, the feeling of being an outsider.

It might be due to my lack of conformation. I make my own plans, I do not wait for 'the rest' if I don't want to, I don't join 'the group' when I don't feel like it. I am not ashamed of a different opinion, a different view. Maybe it is a punishment for not conforming to social rules. Or maybe it is just my own choice of not being a member. 

But after all, I normally don't mind. I don't feel lonely. I feel at ease sitting alone, wandering around by myself. There are few moments I start wondering if I am the only one. But sometimes I do. Non-lonely-loners who like daydreaming and good company who live half in the social world and the other half in their own?

I never feel lonely when I am alone, rather with others around.

London

 

 

2,5 years later

Back from London

I just returned from London. It was the third time I had the chance to enjoy this marvellous city.

Good coffee at Picadilly in the morning, shopping at the vintage shops at Camden Market, strolling down the lovely parks, Buckingham Palace & the expensive stores at Oxford Street at night.

Watching the lights of Big Ben and the London Eye at the other side of the Thames, and many more things that happened in London & stay in London. I made the wish I didn't have to go back to Limerick many times, it is such an amazing city and I had some amazing company as well. I am now going to sort out my luggage and see if I can get some sleep until the normal life starts again tomorrow morning, hoping for some fine dreams about the good memories I have.

LONDON

Going to London tomorrow with three Swedish friends!
We're planning on doing some really awesome things, I'm so excited!
I am packing at the moment, being obsessed with the great What To Wear - question.

 Can't wait, can't wait, can't wait.

 

Muscle ache

What a stupid thing I quit sports some years ago. I just got back from indoor climbing and again realised how much I like the pain in my arms and legs, and the tiny blisters on my hands.

I forgot that I like running until I really can't run anymore, pushing the limits.

I'm angry at myself I didn't keep up with the yoga exercises so that I had to come down from the climbing wall due to the very bad cramps in my feet.

But it's not too late to pick it up again, I'm not fat yet and my body remembers how to work. 

All those good intentions; I'd better keep up the good work when I'm back in Holland.

Karma Decrease

but I just cannot avoid thinking when I see this enormous stuffed-in-sweatpants-cellulitis-ass leaving the bus:

you should have walked.

especially when I'm seated and the Ass hits my shoulder on its way to the doors. I fucking hate that.

Contemplation

The road goes ever on and on,

Down from the door where it began.

Now far ahead the Road has gone,

And I must follow it, if I can.

Pursuing it with eager feet,

Until it joins some larger way,

Where many paths and errands meet,

And whither then? I cannot say.

Nietzsche

There are epochs in which the man of reason and the man of intuition stand side by side. They both desire to rule over life.

Went outside for a few minutes today. Realised how much I missed some sun and wind.

It must suck so bad to be in prison, wow.