and I would ask this little girl what it is like to have no fear

Late night appetite

I just fried eggs and bacon and finished my pack of cereals.

Yes, I have a massive late-night appetite and after my first months living on my own, the gained kilos are starting to emerge on my body. But well, ofcourse, I will lose that weight again when I get back home, so I happily keep on frying bacon at one o'clock.

I actually don't have a late night appetite for just food but for anything really. So many things are better at night: studying, movies, parties, conversations, listening to music, writing... when it's dark outside, inspiration comes faster, thoughts flow more smoothly and it is always easier to say the things you want to say.

It is now twenty minutes past one and for some reason it becomes harder and harder to go to bed, but I should. Tomorrow I will go to Belfast with my roommates and we'll be back the day after tomorrow. Then I have one day left to study and then isnmy final exam.

Time has been flying on warp speed here in Ireland, and I look forward to see my family again with Christmas, but it will not be an easy Christmas.

I will be home for only one week though, after that I will return to Ireland, stay there for one day and the 30th of December I'm going to Scotland to climb Ben Nevis. I am so looking forward to this, even though I know it is going to be very very tough because I'm not fit at all, not used to so much snow and such low temperatures. But I love the challenge and as long as I don't disappoint myself by giving up too soon, it is going to be great!

I will now make an attempt to force myself to bed, trying to ignore my notebook silently which yelling "WRITE!". Goodnight!

40

fourty months

and I wonder where the Hell this is going

Yuk

Something that really annoys and disgusts me at the same time are those people who use Facebook or other social network platforms as a kind of medical record. You might have a few of those people in your friends list, but one is actually already enough to annoy the shit out of you. Too bad for you that you have a stomach flu, but seriously, updating your status with facts that your intestines are empty now and that you hope the suppository pill will work... too much information! You know, those people who visit their GP on a weekly base and keep us informed with all the things that have been said during that consultation.

I do not want to know all this! Especially if you, in this case, suffer from a vivid imagination. I don't want to know that you are shoving up pills in your ass, that you have been puking all day, I don't wanna hear about your wounds and your blisters and diseases!

Don't those people have any shame? It is just unnatural! When my dog is sick, he feels embarrassed and weak and hides under the table until it is over. Why do those people feel the urge to share all their diseases with me, let alone that they think that I am actually interested?!

Okay I admit, I am guilty of informing Facebook that I was suffering from mumps, but come on, I did not give an elaborate description of my swollen glands. I understand the need to inform others when you are unwell, but please, I beg you, spare me all the bodily details in the future, because it fucking sickens me.

Blue Velvet

It's a sunny, woodsy day in Lumberton, so get those chainsaws out.

The knowledge that seeking the favour of another
Means the murder of self.

Silence speeds the path to the streams of solace that run so few and narrow.
Brooks that babble the sounds of torture, the sounds of torture
You will one day rise.

I will show you all that I have mastered
Fear. Pain. Hatred. Power.
This is the Art of Ruin.

Conclusion of today

DOGS

they should not wear orange tshirts.

Woke up from the rain blowing through my window. Doesn't matter, I needed to wake up anyway. I am now resurrecting with baked beans, coffee & Tom Waits. After breakfast and a shower I will conquer the Irish weather to visit the library. Today will be a grey day and I realise I'm kind of fond of a little misery.

Misery is the river of the world, everybody row, everybody row!

Translation from my little notebook

20 October 2009

Half past seven in the morning, it is still dark and my breath forms tiny clouds in the cold air.

Five minutes delay. I huddle up in my scarf a little more. Look back one more time. The sky above me is dark, but the sky above you is already turning pink, yellow and purple, as soft as the blankets under which you can sleep for a little longer.

I miss you already.

Mucha