I love you very much, he said, you know that right?
And I said, yes, I do
and I love you too
but sometimes I suspect
we both
actually
don't really have a clue.

Rememer me?

Hi, remember me? The girl who doesn't dare to sleep with the lights out. Who couldn't read a chapter on zombies because it was too scary. The one that had nightmares from Batman movies. The one that watches Harry Potter from hidden underneath a blanket. The one that runs to the bathroom at night, in case of monsters. Hi, remember me? The girl that got extremely upset when people got angry at her. The one that wants to be liked and considered nice. The one that takes criticism extremely serious. The one that hates fighting, the one that hates arguing.
So yeah, hi, it's me again. I just finished my shift at the department for mentally insane offenders. What I did today? I took two of them to the grocery store. It was lots of fun. Yes, mum, I went alone with them. If I brought a taser- gun, beloved boyfriend? *giggle* Of course not. It's not dangerous, no need to be scared. I love you too. Don't worry about me, I'll be safe.

Sad but true

You know? That kind of news that makes the world stop turning for a moment. Young people getting ripped out of life, family left behind. It just happens too often. It really gets to me every single time and still I haven't found anything sensible to say to those that are left behind. You know? That kind of news that makes you realise how lucky you are to have your loved ones. It reminds you what the important things in life really are. Forget about your little daily problems. Tell people how much they mean to you. To enjoy every second in life and appreciate all of it. All the things you learn, see and experience. All the great people you meet and all the happy memories you create. You know? It can be gone in just a few seconds.

A wise title

I'm so artsy

I am running out of bandshirts to slaughter & reincarnate. But I love the result though, they keep getting better

ZERO SUM // NIN

Do you remember the time we...

And all the times we...

And should have...

And were going to...

I know

And I know you remember

How we could justify it all

And we knew better

In our hearts, we knew better

And we told ourselves it didn't matter

And we chose to continue

And none of that matters anymore

In the hour of our twilight

And soon it will be all said and done

And we will all be back together as one

If we will continue at all

And you never get away
And you never get to take the easy way
And all of this is a consequence
Brought on by our own hand
If you believe in that sort of thing
And did you ever really find
When you closed your eyes
Any place that was still
And at peace?

And I guess I just wanted to tell you
As the light starts to fade
That you are the reason
That I am not afraid
And I guess I just wanted to mention
As the heavens will fall
We will be together soon if we
Will be anything at all

This confession has meant nothing.

Compared to a year ago it is more quite now. Last year I just lost my head in my job. Just a little bit too much death underneath my hands. I can't say this from the past year. I cannot say I have been working my ass of the whole time, not with studies, neither with work. My last exam will be in two and a half hours and I am pretty sure I will fail it. I didn't manage to do it, I don't know it, I don't understand it. Not that there is plenty to lose, but still, I despise failing. It's not like last year where I would have been trying to keep myself together, just those last weeks. When I look at the summer pictures from last summer I can see it: I look terrible. Tired and worn- out. Now I have just been staring at the walls and inspecting the tiny new piece of scar tissue on my knee. I just couldn't do it. Stuck and anxious and I know I won't feel this sense of relief when I walk out of the lecture hall in a couple of hours, finished with my third year of studies. I will have failed and too much has happened this year. I can't leave it all behind with closing the doors of University this time.

I got all I wanted, now there's too much to lose.

This is not an anthem or a threat in someone's name

But a promise that tomorrow

Will rock & burn, and things won't change

THIS IS NOT AN EXIT

The void keeps chasing me like a crack in the Universe. Sometimes I think I love and hate things too much at the same time, too much to stay sane.