Wake up wake up

Those moments where you wake up in the morning, you find yourself lying frozen in your bed, and you finally realise you have been dreaming. Thank God. But your nightmare has been so upsetting you feel exhausted, even after sleeping for eight hours.

It happens every once in a while. Bad dreams, serious bad dreams. When I wake up I find out I have not been moving a long time or that I have been crying in my sleep. I have no clue where they come from, I am a very happy and lucky girl in general. When I was younger I used to have troubles with falling asleep because I was scared. The past years I sometimes had panic attacks. Had my bad and my better times. I even had a period about a year ago I was having nightmares every night and I became a little nervous about going to sleep. But I had almost no problems with sleeping anymore since I moved to Ireland and came back again.

And tonight again. A nightmare where I have been so scared and upset that I still feel like I need to recover from it. Luckily I have the sweetest little brother ever who is now making me tea. The sun is shining and I will go for a run afterwards. Because in the end, it was only a dream.

Mooore pepper!

Have been drawing most of my spare time today. Not that I am good at it, but who gives a shit.

Black as Ink

Found the calligraphy pens. Should go to bed.

I finally got myself a nice large notebook with blanco pages to put in the things I have been collecting.

All the things that were in my head today got out, now I am happy, satisfied, and tired.

Het wordt een lange reis, een lange reis
Het heeft hier flink gestormd vannacht
Maar het klaart al op
Je hoort de vogels weer, je ruikt de regen nog
Misschien een andere keer
Misschien een andere keer
Want we moeten verder
Hoe dan ook tot het niet meer lukt
Tot het niet meer gaat
We zien dan wel weer
Alles op een rij

Ik blijf bij jou tot aan het eind
Zolang deze auto rijdt
Ik ben een twijfelaar
Maar jij nog meer
Dus dat zijn er twee
Ik ben niet meer heel erg sterk misschien
Maar ik maak je aan het lachen
Dus daar moet het dan maar mee

Het wordt een lange reis
De langste reis

Alles is oké
De horizon en het vlakke land
Ik rij en jij leest mijn hand
Ik ben een waterman dus deze week zit alles mee

De grote zon
We stoppen bij een tankstation
Waar de mensen doen alsof het nooit zo is geweest
Ik zie, ik zie wat jij niet ziet
Het is oranjerood en komt ons tegemoet
En alles is nu goed

- Spinvis, De Grote Zon (most parts)

Look what I discovered! A scanner.

grim.

Walked for more than an hour with my dog today. I did that yesterday too. I really missed having a good reason to wander outside on my own. It was a grey day, quite cold, and my dog was very happy to jump in all the mud piles. And since he is white and fluffy, I had to drag him to the bath when we returned.

Grain Filter Time

I edited an old series of photos I took when my dad took me to his working place, the underground in Rotterdam.

This was in the phase when they just finished digging the tunnel and started building the underground line.

I think they work out quite well in black and white and I also added a grain filter.

to be honest, after seeing the example, I came to the conclusion that the low quality in combination with the black background and the grain filter doesn't work out too well, but I want to post them anyway. For anyone who's interested: they are on my facebook as well, in slightly different versions.

Bits & Pieces

A story I started years ago and I don't know what it was supposed to be about.

The image shattered. The dream was ripped apart by the furious beeping of the alarm clock. She sat upright. Sleep gushed out of her eyes, from her whole body. With an angry slam she put an end to this morning-torture. She rubbed her eyes. Grey morning-light was filling up the tidy room. Normally it would have been dark, but she forgot to let down the curtains last night. Every morning the room looked the same. Stylized, wood, tidied. The double bed that was too small with the blankets which were still warm. She shivered and stepped out of bed. Her feet sank into the dust-proof carpet and she walked to the closet and put on her bathrobe. She reached for the doorknob and instinctly drew her hand back again as her warm skin touched the cold steel. Then she entered the hallway.

Sunday morning

It's Sunday morning and I'm slowly waking up.